snugthongs:

I just came to the stark realization that if I really truly want to go SAIC and be accepted with a scholarship I won’t be able to go in the fall. If I want a high quality portfolio I can’t do this in less than three months. Plus their scholarship deadline is in two weeks. I will only feel justified (? not sure if that’s the right word to use) if I can get a scholarship (because of the price) and have a portfolio that I really put a lot of time and effort into, not something that might be pretty good but was rushed. I don’t know if that makes sense. Upon realizing this as I was leaving school today I have a mini-breakdown realizing that would mean being here at home for almost another year because being here makes me really unhappy, but I think it’s going to be necessary if SAIC is what I really want to do. 

Plus if I want more scholarships from other places a lot of those deadlines are coming up too so I wouldn’t have time to put the work into those either. As much as it sucks I really can’t rush myself with these things and not put full effort into them if I want to accomplish what I really need to. a big sigh